i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I didn't shave. On purpose
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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