I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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