She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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