You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
sex in a hospital.. check
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
