I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
