Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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