I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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