You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
