I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
