Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
