my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
