I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
