I smell stomach acid.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
