her facebook's as public as her vagina
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
