your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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