i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize
