they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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