I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He shit in the fireplace
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
