i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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