Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
