remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
