So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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