are you still at the devil's house?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
