i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
