the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Actions speak louder than pants.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
