so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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