Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i now understand why vodka
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
