Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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