i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
