i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
