You made me cry and you don't even care
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
