now i know why i became what i already was.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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