Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
