she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
