i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
last night I used snow as a chaser
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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