So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
