Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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