We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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