aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
