I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
