Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
