scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
