Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
