textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
