I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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