i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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