who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
