She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
