We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
