You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
