So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
