i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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